


fall into your blue

by dannybsdadbod



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Bullying, Cigarettes, M/M, Mental Illness, jock!TK, quiet boy!nolan, self harm mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannybsdadbod/pseuds/dannybsdadbod
Summary: Nolan decides he can keep his smoke spot for the time being. And he can keep the cute jock while he’s at it.





	fall into your blue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:   
> there is some slight bullying of some random guy to Nolan about his sexuality.   
> there is mention of self-harm scars
> 
> title from Blu by Jon Bellion

Nolan’s not proud of it, but he smokes. He’s stressed and tired always, give him a break. 

So during his study hall, he sneaks out behind his school and smokes. It’s his place. 

So when the new semester starts and there’s someone sitting on the crate that Nolan has claimed as his own, he’s a little pissed. 

The guy clearly isn’t paying any attention, so Nolan makes his presence known, making his steps a little louder. 

The guy looks up at Nolan, startled, coughing and dropping his cigarette ( _splif, maybe?_ Nolan thinks) and apologizes to him. 

 

“My bad,” the guy chuckles at himself. “Thought you were like… one of my teammates or something. I’m not really supposed to be smoking.”

 

Nolan stares at him as he keeps talking. 

 

“I–uh… I’m Travis.” 

Nolan nods, taking a cigarette out of his pack and offering one, against his better judgment, to Travis. 

“Thanks,” Travis says softly, taking one. 

Nolan props himself up on the brick wall across from Travis and looks at him. 

“What?” 

Nolan shrugs, frowning a little. “What?” He parrots.

Travis rolls his eyes, “You just keep... Staring at me. Why?” 

“I’m trying to decide if I need to find a new smoke spot now or not.” 

Travis looks a little surprised, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to like, take your spot.”

Nolan takes a drag, “Yeah, well. You did.”

“I can find a new spot.”

“Maybe.”

Travis takes a drag, “Ohhhkay…”

“I’m Nolan.”

Travis nods, “cool.”

“Cool,” Nolan parrots. 

 

––

 

Travis is stressed. He lets his stress get to him. It’s not like he can talk to any of his teammates about it. 

It’s kind of lonely. 

Travis doesn’t want people to think he isn’t okay, he has a reputation to uphold and scouts to impress. 

 

But he’s lonely. 

 

And meeting this Nolan kid, he can already tell he has a lot in common with him. It’s not like he got to talk to him much, Nolan barely talked to him. But they both smoke, that’s a start. And he’s pretty sure he has more in common with him than he knows just yet. 

 

––

 

“So you play how many sports?” Nolan says, eyebrows raised, between a drag. He can’t imagine playing sports. He’s not coordinated enough. Plus, there’s a lot of running in sports and no thank you.

“3. Football, hockey, and lacrosse” Travis laughs a little. “It sounds a bit ridiculous saying it out loud.”

Nolan nods, “yeah.” 

“What do you do?” 

Nolan looks up, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“For fun,” Travis shrugs, taking a drag. “What do you do for fun?” 

“I uh. I write. And I code things, like, on the computer? Those two things take up most of my time.” 

“But is it fun?” 

“Are sports?” 

Travis nods, taking a drag. “They used to be.” 

 

––

 

“Come to my game?” Travis asks a few weeks later when they’re out smoking during 5th period. 

“I don’t know. It’s not like… I don’t get bullied. Not really. But I am a weird punk kid. But I’d definitely get talked about if I showed up to a friday night football game. That’s for like… popular kids.”

Travis furrows his brow a little, “What? No, it’s for the students. You’re a student!” 

Nolan sighs a little, “Travis, we don’t live the same lives. We may be friends here, but otherwise, we probably would’ve never talked. And that’s fine! But you have to understand, I’m trying to save myself some anxiety and potential jeers by not going.”

 

Travis has never thought about it that way. He’s not really sure what people would make fun of Nolan for, to begin with. 

 

“Okay,” Travis sighs, but smiles a little. “Whatever’s best for you.” 

“I just–”

Travis shakes his head, “Nolan, really, I want you to be comfortable. Maybe I can like, text you after or something. We could hang out.”

Nolan smiles, his cheeks getting a little pinker, “That’d be cool.”

“Yeah,” Travis smiles. “Let’s plan on that then.”

Nolan nods, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Good luck, though.” 

“Thanks,” Travis smiles, trying to hide behind his cigarette. 

 

Travis likes Nolan’s rosy cheeks.

 

––

 

Nolan decides he can keep his smoke spot for the time being. And he can keep the cute jock while he’s at it. 

 

—

 

“It’s so late,” Travis laughs as he gets into Nolan’s car. 

 

Nolan had called him 10 minutes prior, saying he was coming to get him, be ready. 

Travis didn’t have time to question it before Nolan hung up. 

 

“We’re going to this little diner, I’m so hungry for fries. You have to try it.”

 

Nolan’s cheeks were red, he was smiling, and he was rambling on and on about this diner. Travis was incredibly endeared. He could listen to him speak forever. 

 

They sit down and order fries to share. They talk for a bit about music, TV shows they’re watching. It’s easy and fun. 

 

“Konecny?” Someone wearing a letterman came up to their table. 

“Brad! What’s up, man?!” Travis stands up and bro-hugs him. 

“What’re you doing here with Weird Nolan?” Brad gestures to Nolan and Travis’ table. 

 

Nolan wishes he could disappear right now. 

 

“Nolan? Yeah, he’s my friend.”

“Yeah right,” Brad snickers. “Well, just be wary.” Brad fake whispers, knowing Nolan can hear him. “Just know, he’s really strange. And gay. You never know with those…” 

 

Travis’ face twists, but before he can reply, Brad’s saying goodbye and leaving. 

 

Nolan’s going to fucking combust right now. He tries not to cry because god, that would be even more embarrassing. 

 

He isn’t even sure Travis knew he was gay. But he does now. 

 

He pulls out cash from his wallet and tosses it on the diner table before getting up. 

 

“Nolan, wait–” Travis goes after him, grabbing his arm. 

“I know I drove you, so I’ll take you home,” Nolan says, still walking. “But it’s fine. It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk anymore or whatever. If you can’t be seen with me.”

“I never said that!” 

“But Brad… And others think it too. And know it. So uh, it’s fine if we keep it to our smoke spot and that’s it.”

“Nolan–”

“Travis please,” he looks at him, begging him to stop talking about this. 

“Okay,” Travis nods. “Okay.”

 

The car ride back to Travis’ is silent. Travis wishes Nolan a goodnight, but Nolan doesn’t reply. 

 

Monday morning, Nolan isn’t at their usual smoke spot. He hasn’t replied to any of Travis’ texts all weekend. Travis is getting worried. He misses Nolan. 

 

––

 

“I can’t go to school today, mom,” Nolan says, almost in tears. “I promise I won’t get behind on my work I just… I need a bit of a break.” 

“Nollie, is this like the other times?” She asks, doubt and worry laced in her voice. 

He shakes his head, itching absentmindedly at his arm. “No it’s not—I’m not slipping again, I just need a break for a day. Please?” 

Nolan’s mom brings him into a hug, kissing his head. “Okay, sweetie. But you’ll let me know if it’s getting bad again, right?” 

“Course, mom.” 

 

—

 

Travis comes to Nolan’s house, unexpected, Tuesday afternoon. He’s worried and frankly, he misses Nolan. 

 

He finds Nolan in his room, listening to music in his headphones, and sketching in a sketchbook. Travis didn’t even know he could draw. There’s a lot Travis doesn’t know about Nolan. 

 

“Hey,” He knocks as he enters. “Your mom let me up.”

Nolan shuts his sketchbook and takes a headphone out, sighing, annoyed. “Why are you here.” 

“I was worried about you––” Travis stops. “Nols…” 

 

Nolan was wearing short sleeves, which he never wore usually. He quickly finds his sweatshirt and pulls it on, knowing it won’t make a difference. 

 

“Nolan…” 

“No,” Nolan shakes his head. “They’re old, it’s fine. You don’t need to–I’m not…” 

Travis sits on Nolan’s bed across from him, taking his hand. “Nolan, I had no idea…” 

“It’s not a thing. It used to be, but it isn’t anymore. I picked up smoking and it’s not great, but it… it helps.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Travis whispers, rubbing his thumb over Nolan’s hand. 

Nolan shakes his head, “Don’t be. It really isn’t a big deal.”

“But it is,” Travis says, voice threaded with worry. “You hurt yourself, Nolan.”

“Used to,” Nolan corrects. 

 

Travis sighs and kisses Nolan’s hand. 

 

“I hate that you ever felt bad enough to harm yourself. And I hate that I didn’t stand up for you against Brad on Saturday night. I’ve been thinking about it non stop. How sad and hurt you were, how I could’ve done something and I didn’t. And I’m so sorry, Nolan.”

“It’s not your job to–” 

“But I should’ve!” Travis cuts him off. He looks up at Nolan and Nolan can see tears in Travis’ eyes. 

“Trav, seriously, it’s fine.”

“It’s not,” he whispers. “I hurt you.”

Nolan smiles small, “It happens.”

“But I–I never want to be the one that hurts you,” Travis’ voice is low. 

 

Travis moves closer to Nolan. 

 

“I didn’t know how to defend you, you know, without uh… outing myself…” Travis whispers, still holding Nolan’s hand. 

“You–what?” 

Travis just looks at him and whispers, “please don’t make me say it again…”

“I had no idea you–” 

Travis sighs, smiling small, “Yeah well. No one does.”

“I was so scared you were going to hate me when Brad told you. Like, it isn’t a secret, but I wasn’t sure if you knew. And then–” 

 

Travis cuts Nolan off, “You’re rambling.” 

“Sorry,” Nolan whispers, cheeks burning red. 

“You’re okay.” 

 

––

 

They start to hang out outside of school, mostly at Nolan’s house and the diner. It’s nice. 

 

“What’s the show called again?” Travis asks, getting out of his own car that he followed Nolan from school in.

“Umbrella Academy. It’s based off these comics that Gerard Way made. He’s the singer from My Chemical Romance.” 

Travis was having a hard time following all of these names, but he smiles and nods along because it seems to make Nolan happy. 

“That’s cool. So they’re like superheroes?” 

“Not exactly…” Nolan chews on his lip. “It’s kinda hard to explain. Which is why we’re gonna watch it!” 

Travis laughs, because yeah, that makes sense. 

 

They get up to Nolan’s room and hop on his bed with his computer between their legs. He puts the show on full screen, closed captions. 

 

“Why closed captions?” 

“Sometimes my anxiety makes it hard for me to concentrate on one thing, or it’ll make me zone out and I won’t really hear, or–” 

“Oh,” Travis nods like it makes sense to him. Nolan’s grateful. “Okay, I was just wondering!” 

 

And Nolan knows he was, and he’s not being anything but curious. 

 

––

 

Nolan blinks awake, not realizing he dozed off until he looks and he’s— 

He sits up. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” 

 

Travis chuckles, pausing the computer. “You’re fine.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I especially didn’t mean to fall asleep  _ on you _ .” 

“It was cute.” 

Nolan’s cheeks burn. 

“I mean like, you looked… peaceful,” Travis grimaces at himself. 

“Thanks?” Nolan chuckles, smiling a bit at Travis. 

“I guess I should get going, though. It’s late and I have a chem test in the morning.” 

Nolan gawks at him, “you do?! Why didn’t you stay home and study?” 

Travis shrugs, “this is more fun.” 

 

Nolan walks Travis downstairs to his car. 

 

“Thanks for watching a few episodes with me,” Nolan mumbles, unable to hide his smile. 

“It was good, we’re definitely gonna finish this series together.” 

“Deal,” Nolan nods. 

 

“Okay,” Travis sighs, “I gotta go.” 

 

He leans in and kisses Nolan quick, a small thing. Nolan’s heart is going to burst. 

 

“Okay,” Travis says, awkwardly. “So uh…” 

“Yeah,” Nolan nods, looking down at his feet. 

“Was that oka–”

“Yes!” Nolan cuts him off. “Sorry, just. Yeah, that was… good. Really good.” 

Travis sighs in relief, “Okay, cool. So we should uhh do this again?” 

“This for sure,” Nolan nods, smiling like an idiot. 

 

Travis leans in for one more quick kiss before getting into his car. 

 

“Night, Nols.” 

“Night Trav,” he smiles.

 

Nolan doesn’t stop smiling that night. He smiles himself to sleep on the pillow that smells like Travis. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have more planned for this, so hopefully yall want more! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated (:


End file.
